Many people have asked me, "So how long have you known that you were transgendered?" and "How did you come to realize this?" I've known since my earliest memories as a child. I also knew that there had to be more people like myself in the world, but before the arrival of the internet, it was extremely difficult to find information on the subject. It was also very hard to communicate and share experiences with other tg's. Many of us have led parallel lives, and many of us have struggled with the same issues, as we've attempted to understand and accept who we are. I've shared some of my experiences below in an attempt to perhaps help those who may be currently trying comprehend themselves and their place in society.
Dreams were a common occurance all throughout my childhood: transformation dreams. I had them almost as far back as I can remember. The dreams were about changing sexes. They were quite pleasant and I looked forward to having them. Sometimes, I would have flying dreams incorporated into transformation dreams. I would fly into a large facility of some kind and be transformed in much the same way that a car is put together on an assembly line. Other times, the dreams would be more magical or mystical in nature. For a good portion of my life, I thought I was alone with these dreams. Over the past few years, I have come to know others that have had the same kinds of dreams as I did. Another commonality that many of us share is an extension of attraction to women... a wanting to inhabit the same space. If you are tg and you leave my site with only one thought, it would be this: you are not alone. I'm fascinated by science, quantum phsyics and astrology, yet I'm not at all into science fiction. I like to create and experience my own reality, not the reality of someone else when it relates to my day-to-day life.
The process of self discovery...
Dreams into reality...
I started dressing at a very early age. Many of us do, although some discover the transgendered part of themselves later on in life. The first time that I can remember dressing was about age five. If I did actually dress prior to that, I can't recall a specific instance. I took every opportunity to dress from childhood to adulthood. There was a release and a sense of completeness that came from dressing. When I was much younger, I suppose there was a sexual connection to it, but any hint of that correlation has long since disappeared. For me, living as a female is about unity with my soul. Unfortunately, it has taken me quite some time to complete this unification process. Like many of us, the clothing that I accumulated from time to time was subject to a constant cycle of binging and purging. Because of the lack of info on this subject when I was growing up, I was forced to keep my tg expression to myself. It has been only over the past few years that I have come to terms with and accepted my identity as a blessing rather than a curse. The people whom I have met since I thrust this part of myself into the public eye are among the most cherished indivduals that I have come to know in this life. A little further along in this site, I'll introduce you to some of them.
The inflection point...
Sometimes, life is all about those quiet little moments... a few years ago during meditation, I was taking a personal inventory and thinking about my core being. I was trying to identify the oldest parts of my personality. It was then that I had an epiphany: not only was my tg nature one of the oldest parts of me - it was me! That particular realization hit me so hard that I completely changed every single thing in my life, from my job to my home to my creative pursuits. At that point, I decided to embrace my true self more than I ever had before. Why live within a construct of fear imposed upon you by others? For me, this goes beyond the physical. My sense of self, my mental awareness and my perception of the world have always been from a female perspective, regardless of my physical appearance. Once I had openly accepted myself, I realized how much self torture and self hate I had inflicted over the years. Now I have people in my life who know all of me and love me. We live and learn.
When it all started...
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